Katherine used to tell me quite frequently that she cared more for values than ethics. For a long time, I didn't understand what she meant. She would ask me thought provoking questions about what value people, activities and items held in my life. She would ask what the value of being a good person was. She explained that value was independent of feelings we attach to people, that value of an item isn't what service it can provide. How valuable are the people in your life? How valuable are your possessions? What value can you find in yourself?
A popular definition of value, is a moral code in which to live by. We may think of value as the price of an item, or the amount of money something is worth. Those are common ways to reflect the meaning of the word. I asked questions about value in social media groups recently, like "What does value mean to you" and "What do you value". People responded with a range of answers, like books, games, people in their lives. One person replied that the value of a person is what one can offer others, what one can do to give back. Another person commented they valued their intelligence and so did their partner. Whether value to you is the worth of an object, the goodness that comes from a person, or the morals one lives by, I believe value is important. Let's say though there is a person that is a non-verbal, paraplegic. They can't offer advice, they can't work a productive job, they only lay in their own existence. So, what is their value? If we define value as a moral guide then how does one find out the moral code of a non-verbal person that lacks any action to prove it? What goodness can they show that would benefit another person? What could they possibly offer to another individual or this society? In asking these questions, I have concluded the obvious answer. Being that these individuals are in this world and this allows their care team (doctors, nurses, aides, etc.) to have a purpose in their jobs. In pondering the harder questions, I had to take myself back to several years ago. While working as a contract nurse, I worked with the severely mental ill and disabled. I recall one client in specific. They were a vegetable since birth, their parents left them with the state hospital to be cared for from 6 until death. This person was 19 when I was caring for them. They were only able to move their eyes and head slightly. As I would go about tube feeding, administering medications, and their personal hygiene, I would explain my actions and speak with them about their care. I'm not sure they could understand, but maybe they could. What did this person teach me? Caring for them taught me the value of a person regardless of their contribution to my life, regardless of their beliefs, their actions, job, income or class. I realized not everyone can contribute on the level we would like, and that's okay. If we can learn to value others around us regardless of their ability to live up to our expectations, then we will be acting with unconditional love toward our fellow humans. This is why I've come to understand that value is more important than ethics. One person's standard of ethics may be completely different than another's. This can be due to circumstances such as unique cultural based practices, differing religious beliefs, level of education, life experiences, etcetera. During our lives we read workers' manuals, religious books, among others and learn substantially from the actions of those around us. To give an example of how a difference in religious beliefs can help shape the decisions, beliefs, and values we hold, I propose a birthday party. The appropriate way to respond to a birthday party invitation for a person that is a Jehovah's Witness, is to either politely decline or not be involved during the festivities directly. However, for an individual that is, say, an atheist, a birthday party may be a major event with no expense spared. After years of such varying experiences, each one of us has a set of values, which is a culmination of our own single reality. Ethics is what we say and values is what we do. Being ethical, is a lot like being politically correct. Of course, we have all learned it's not ethical to tell a lie. However, we then have to adopt this trait as a value, by putting the action of telling the truth behind the decision not to lie. By allowing ourselves to place importance on ethics we can take on positive values to navigate our daily decisions and lives. We can transform the view of value from what someone or something does for us, into what actions we can take to further our own positive set of values. To reiterate, value can have many meanings. The ethical or moral code one lives by. The importance we place on loved ones, items, and ourselves. The monetary amount of possessions. The use we get from our devices, tools, gadgets, and other materials. However, the value of all of these things comes from actions on our part. Whether communication to family and friends, gainfully working to attain items, or living by a good moral compass, all of these require actions to obtain. So, when I think of value now, I think of how my own actions can bring even more value to my life and the lives of others.
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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