Being stuck is never any fun, but futility is often a feeling we have during many stages of our lives. Whether a job has become mundane, a writer has a block, or the kids are rebelling, I've found it necessary to stay positive.
During the past week, we've literally been stuck. With our camper van down, there's been numerous moments that have required patience. Last Tuesday, the camper quit running, trapping us in a restaurant parking lot. While the rest of my little bunch slept, I searched, asked, and pleaded for help to get us across to the travel stop. Knowing we would be okay to rest the camper there. We reached out on social media and to local acquaintances for help creating a plan to get us going again. With the first income in ten months coming in a few days, the only thing to do has been to wait. We hired a couple to work on the van, give a ride to the junkyard to retrieve the used part, we were in hopes could fix the issue. The couple requested money to get a meal, once I gave over the money, they didn't come back. We waited that night until one in the morning, hoping to see them return. The next day, we went about our day, doing laundry, preparing for Katherine to return to her normal work shift. In the early afternoon, I noticed their vehicle was just down from ours. After speaking to them shortly, they gave me a ride to the grocery store, we were out of food. When we got back from the trip, they began on the van. About half way through the re-wiring job, they again requested cash for food, which I gave them again. This time, they sat here eating, when I went over to inquire of the plans for finishing up the camper, I was told they would be right over. That was two days ago, the contact number they'd given me, wasn't in service. Yet again, we found ourselves waiting. We felt disappointed, discouraged, and disheartened with their decision to leave a family in need. Monday, we began calling shops and hotels. Pricing out how much diagnostics would be and a rough estimate for the repair, as well as finding a place to stay while our home is in the shop. After hours of waiting to hear back from the mechanics with a quote, we found its going to be too expensive to take it to a shop, and get a hotel. We are now down to a mobile mechanic option. Having to wait in one spot and feeling utterly helpless hasn't made this any easier to deal with. Auto repair shops have quoted between $100-500, just for diagnostics. Not knowing how much it is going to be to have the actual repair done. We are extremely out of spoons. We have had to pay for rides all over and quickly running out of resources. When things looked so promising just 9 days ago, then 8 days ago happened. We've been inside the truck stop with the children each work night, keeping our family together. We have no lights at night to get ready, we have no way in our home to charge our devices. The over-powering feelings of hopelessness have sunk in deep. Deeper than I care to admit. Between sadness, dissonance, misgendering, liars, and all the other aspects we've been attempting to handle, stress has been at an all time high. Thinking we were out of the water, many times over, disappointment is greater each time. Although we may not have a concrete plan, we still have all we need here at the travel center. The center is complete with showers, septic, 7 restaurants, five gas stations, camper spots, and free WiFi. Nearly as nice as a hotel. Now if we can only get a mechanic...
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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