By: James Blake
Gender neutral parenting involves multiple related themes including gender-stereotypes, sexuality, and gender identity. Literature suggests that gender neutral parenting origins are based on assumptions that children are usually treated differently due to their gender. Stemming from an era when second-wave feminists were determined to make their female children more diverse in the home, school, life, and workplace in order for them to have more diverse opportunities. The gender neutral approach to parenting is often used as a way to purposely go against how children have historically learned gender stereotypes and adopted gendered traits. Gender “norms” are a principle of behavior that reflects what is categorized as typically masculine or feminine in any given society or culture. Oftentimes in the development of gender, parenting involves gender-based behavior modelling, rewards and punishment systems for gender expectations and stereotypes. As a result, gender socialization occurs, which is how individuals of a given society incorporates gender stereotypes, gender”norms”, and gender expectations into their own gender identities. This leads to the child's own moderation of their behavior in compliance with what they believe is expected of them, and resulting in gender identities that are only from imitation of parents, fear of punishment for behaviors outside of the gender “norm”, and the desire to be accepted or rewarded. This type of parenting model reinforces children as the passive recipients of gender socialization, instead of allowing the child to have an active role in the process of gender self-identification. In a more open parenting model of gendered self-identity, children use cognitive-development to pick up on gender roles, and gain an understanding of gender over time through their choice of socialization practices. Using this practice for parenting, children achieve ‘gender constancy’ by age 7, actively selecting behaviors from their surrounding environment they perceive as consistent with their own gender identity. Acting as active agents in the gender identity process through a desire to reveal their authentic self, children are often able to navigate complex gender issues when given freedom to self-associate with gender traits and characteristics. Gender neutral parenting is a parenting type in which no emphasis is given to gender stereotypes, and without adhering to the preconceived concepts that traditionally determine gender roles. An example of this was the TV show “Free To Be You and Me” by Marlo Thomas (1974), which shared education and popularized gender neutral parenting with a vast amount of America. As a child’s first introduction to the world, parents play a vital role in instilling values and attitudes into children, including powerful ideas about gender. Parents prepare clothing, toys, shoes, furniture, bedding, and accessories weeks or months before a child is born, often based solely on the infant’s sex; using physical sex to predict behavioral traits and characteristics, interests and likes. This is truly telling as to how important gender and sex is in our own culture and society. Supporters of gender neutral parenting say it encourages children to try out a wider range of activities they might not have otherwise. The strict boxes we’ve placed around gender is very limiting, and in many cultures has led to inequality of the sexes. By allowing our children to navigate and self-identify gender, we are allowing them to truly express their innate traits, gender, and personality. See article resources here.
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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