Last night after waking from a nap, I got the idea to turn the television on for the first time in over a week. Upon doing so was the horrifying news there was an active shooter on the Las Vegas strip. Not knowing how many lives were affected at the time, I sat and watched in horror as the events unfolded throughout the night. First reports were wildly inaccurate as the accusations were stating multiple casinos were involved. However, it was discovered later that those were just hype since people were so on edge. It was difficult to believe my eyes as tweets, Facebook posts and social media videos began to surface about the incident. Almost immediately locals took to Facebook crisis response offering help in the form of rides for stranded visitors, temporary shelter, food, clothes, and even some baby items like diapers were available for the victims.
Being just a few miles down the road from the carnage, made for a very scary night. Especially, since the initial reports included a “suspicious device” in an SUV that was parked at the Luxor. Bringing the threat of safety to a much wider area than simply the Las Vegas strip. As I sat and watched the live scenes, it was a gruesome account as bullets were flying, bodies dropping, and the death count rising. The first toll said 24 injured, 2 dead. However, the survivors fleeing from the scene, detailed a very different count of numbers as they were interviewed. As the night became the wee hours of the morning, the sheriff gave an even more frightening number, this time the report was 50 dead, more than 100 injured. Katherine and I watched the live footage, which had taken over all of the local news media channels. Many national and international media crews were in town already for the release of O.J. Simpson from the Nevada prison. This made media access very easy. The tales of the helpers that were plugging bullet wounds with their bare hands, or their fingers in a bleeding hole, the people throwing themselves in harm’s way for their loved ones, began to surface shortly after, as survivors came rushing from the scene. We weren’t sure as to what to do, except to check on the people we have met in Vegas since living here. The weight of this tragedy has been far reaching, since many of the victims that died, were from several other states around the country and Canada. Today, reading over some of the victims list, I found listings from California, Tennessee, New Mexico, Canada, along with Nevada residents. There were people from varying walks of life. We very well could have been among the fallen, thankfully we were home with our children, resting for the week ahead. However, we’ve been discussing doing more activities here in Las Vegas. Now that this has occurred, it’s sent a massive shock to over 500 hundred directly, and people like us, indirectly. Although, we were home safely, we were still scared stiff. We were unable to sleep until after 5 in the morning, even though the incident happened at few minutes after ten pm. Our PTSD had been affected and there isn’t anything we can do, except cope and keep going. For the hundreds of people whose lives have been forever altered, that’s what they will have to find a way to do as well, as best as they can. Is to pick up the remaining pieces and keep going forward. There will be a sadness hoovering over our community for a long time. We will still be picking up the pieces here to feel safe in our neighborhoods, in our community, and home. I’ve seen the difference today in the faces of the others I’ve met in passing. While out and about the frowns looked more resounding; the “hello’s” sounded more concrete; the “how are you’s” seemed more genuine. People’s faces and demeanor had changed from the week before. The promise of tomorrow isn’t a solid one, even though the sun will most likely rise, we may not. Knowing there was such awful events the day before, made thankfulness readily available to those spared. The monstrous events yesterday, also made sadness, grief, and fear inevitable. I cannot begin to imagine the grief brought about by actually being in the event of such a massacre. Being on the outside looking in, being just a few miles outside the carnage zone, doesn’t make one feel safe either. Having PTSD will most likely be a reality for the survivors, in addition some may experience survivor’s guilt. Both are hard to live with, and at times difficult to manage. Living with post-traumatic stress disorder, taking on only what I’m comfortable with is best. I’ve learned a few things that have helped me when in a PTSD flare.
This will not heal the broken heart, but it can help you to feel safer, loved, and to get through until it is mended.
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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